昨天北京下雪了，今天新年了，我的心里，没有新年，只有雪……冰冷的好像整个冬天。刚才拿起电话，自己第一次叫了外卖pizza，算是给这个没有新年气氛的房间加多一点生气吧。
在没有心情写下那些怀念家乡的文字，再也不忍心用电话里的哭声折磨爸妈的心，再也没力气找人出去狂欢和倒数。一样又一样的给自己加上工作的负担，到了今天这步田地，于是我也一次又一次得告诉自己：“你累了……”可是日子还是照常过，一件事也没有变少，那一句：“没问题”仿佛成了亘古的承诺。所以今天，或者说入冬了的这些日子，我只是守在房间里，没有回家，没有party，也没有郊游，一样样默默地做着该做得事，每天下楼弹弹琴，每天晚上看看电影看看书。音乐陪着我，接二连三的庄会陪着我，屋子里暖风机的轰轰声陪着我。但是，我很好，没事儿。
我想回家，可是不能回，我不止一次得告诉自己，就算抽风玩机票都无所谓，钱不是问题，问题是我根本就走不了，哪怕几天。但我知道爸妈心里一直挂着我，朋友的心里有我，我心里也有他们，就够了，尽管现实中，我还是一个人在这个空荡、寒冷的宿舍。不想跟去年比较，尽管去年度过了那样开心的一个新年，因为今年长大了，该学着面对更艰难的处境。我告诉自己，过去就好，就像con-day一样，熬过去，就又进步了许多，做到便是成就。
我能想象，也知道现在大家都在做什么：聚餐、聊天、唱歌、倒数、跳舞……我祝福他们，祝福他们有美好的新一年。我在做，也会继续做：看书、准备proposal、准备interview、看电影、吃pizza、过新年……
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I'm left here.
现在，在我的身后，Heidi正在走来走去，一点点地整理房间，一件件地把行李装进箱子，接听一个个祝福的电话，发送一条条告别的短信。Julie和Joanne刚刚离开，带着满眼的泪水；我的桌子上，多了一个装着Heidi在颐和园的照片的银色像框；我没有哭，因为知道还能见面，或者说，因为知道真正距离我们俩告别的时间，还有5个小时……她妈妈打来电话，我听到她说："Jamie is here, but others are gone..."在从尖沙嘴farewell dinner回来的路上，满脑子里全都是片断，这半年来和她一起的一点一滴，我知道自己从她身上学到了很多东西，改变了许多，长大了许多。此时此刻，我的背景里没有钟爱的音乐，而是她和妈妈通话中的哽咽……
刚刚完成了我给Heidi的第一封可能也是最后一封手写的信。整整三页纸，却仍然在粘好封口的那一刻突然想到还有事情，还有许许多多事情，许许多多有意思的事情忘记了写进去。我相信她还会记得，只是恐怕再也没有机会用文字交流了。她还在用我的折叠剪，那把被她称作"Magic Chinese Scissors"的东西，而明早醒来之后我会见到它静静的躺在我的书桌上。当我再一次睁开眼睛，像往常一样打开电脑的时候，我身边将是一张空荡荡的床和书桌，眼前是相片中Heidi可爱的笑脸。我从不敢奢望会有如此亲密的一个室友，更不敢奢望这样一个亲密的室友竟然是外国人。
记得刚开学的时候，从北京回到香港，我的确是在两种社会的边缘挣扎过，这也许就是为什么我在见到Heidi和其他交换生会产生莫大共鸣的原因。三个月过去后，至今回想起我都会感激Heidi介绍我认识了这样一帮可爱的朋友。我们一起学习、出去玩，他们会和我一起痛骂看不惯的事情，一起分享我的快乐。不知怎的，我的脑海里现在不停地像放电影一样重现这一学期的每一个瞬间，每一个细节：尖沙嘴喷泉表演，重庆大厦sketchy的“溅血”的走廊，石郏尾Heidi最爱的叉烧包，南丫岛10块钱的茶位费（尽管我们什么都没喝），Heidi做的pasta和我的diet-coke-chicken，电影院里第一排座位看《夜宴》，从Mexican Fiesta到“97”，从东方文华酒店精致的ladies night到兰桂芳被搭讪几乎夺门而逃，从宿舍到笔架山峰的“缆车”，坐船出海钓墨鱼，嗌庄时候的“What are you doing here”，在北京和我父母共进晚餐，每一次一起向虫儿嘲笑“sounds hard”的广东话，碰巧说错的“This is Jamie, my boyfriend.”,我熟睡后她制止我们toilet-mate的喧哗，Heidi接男朋友电话后夸张的“W-a-ii”，“Larry goes shopping with Jamie!”和“tips on 'fighting' with Larry”,最辛苦的仰卧起坐的姿势，“thi-kle(thigh-ankle)”的典故和湾仔Skits回来后今天早上做gym……太多太多了，我想我可以不停的不停的一直这样写下去。
刚刚给Heidi拷过去了几张安静的音乐专辑，她坐在我身边等待的时候，我突然看见了台灯上挂着的“舍际游泳4X100m比赛季军”的铜牌，那时我和Heidi不但是室友，还是队友。我问她有没有准备带回家，她说当然了，早就已经装在包里了。回想起来，那已经是将近三个月之前的事了，却依稀就在眼前。Heidi不在的时候我常常睡过，就像上周她去做internship的时候，我在我的Final前一天竟然睡了12个小时；不知道她走了之后我还能不能坚持下去做仰卧起坐，谁还会和我一起说“Typical Enae”……
尽管我相信我们一定还有机会见面，尽管我知道明天还要早起去开Student Ambassador的会，但是我无法停止这些回忆，更无法停止这样的书写。突然开始有了憎恨的感觉，为什么只是因为交换学期结束了，就一定要我失去我最最亲密的室友！憎恨到甚至不愿意睡觉，因为知道一觉醒来的明天，她已经离开，房间将空掉一半，而窗户上将留下她剪的白色的窗花，窗框上将留下她买的银色的tinsel，墙上将留下她用黑色的毛笔在红纸上写的“海迪”，一切都将留下她的影子，唯有她人却不在！I'm left here.这是我的感受。我必须面对，面对这种明明已经习惯了的离别，面对这种早已不新鲜的失去。明天，或者说这帮交换生朋友们都回家的那一天，将是时候我说：“Jamie is here, but others are gone.”不敢想象，在冬季的香港，阴冷与潮湿中，还有什么比这更凄凉！
所幸我还有希望，想到明年夏天我和她的计划，现在的我心里就好像当初Pizza-hut广告中傻傻的小女生：“我要去西班牙！”她走了，我留下，带着憎恨，带着忧伤，带着回忆，带着希望。
Heidi的行李已经装备好，我想是时候跟她再最后一次聊聊天，等待离别的那一刻，等待空荡的那一刻，等待天亮的那一刻……
P.S.现在是凌晨5点一刻，天还没亮，但是Heidi已经走了。一本崭新的《Interculture Communication》被留了下来：“It's for the course that I dropped after the first week. I've already talked to the department, and they'll be able to resell it at a lower price, so that could be around 200HKD something.”我说好没问题，卖完了我把钱给你寄过去。她说：“No, no. Don't try to send it to me. Keep that money and have a nice dinner with Larry.”我说这样不好。“No, no,”她坚持，“Seriously, never try to send it to me. Maybe it can't be a large amount of money, but should be enough for a dinner. Enjoy it for me with Larry.”……我一直告诉自己要坚强，可只是这样简单的几句话，眼泪已经止不住地不争气地流下来了，而且还在流，甚至是现在我记录他们的时候。她抱着我，说：“Poor girl, we are definitely able to see each other again, and that's gonna be really soon.”这是第一次，我在一个外国人的怀里哭起来，好像小孩子，好像眼前的不再是普通的exchange的朋友，不再只是室友，而是姐姐。感激？不舍？很难讲，她只是对我太好，太好了。
刚才只睡了一个小时，差一刻四点，我们一起醒了，我躺在床上，默默地看着她把行李最后一点打包装好，默默看着楼下的保安上来check-out。我帮她把行李拿下楼，送她上车。大门那边是个风口，寒风吹得很冷。我们拥抱，告别，我站在风里，看着红色的丰田远远驶出视野……然后，转身回来，在寒风中，单薄的睡衣没能带给我温暖。开门，终于见到了我最不想见的场景：房间被丑陋的割成了两半，一边杂乱地展示着生活的状态，一边是空旷在扭曲。她走了，带走了这房间的那一半，我追不回来。她走了，留下了这学期的回忆，我丢不掉……
刚刚完成了我给Heidi的第一封可能也是最后一封手写的信。整整三页纸，却仍然在粘好封口的那一刻突然想到还有事情，还有许许多多事情，许许多多有意思的事情忘记了写进去。我相信她还会记得，只是恐怕再也没有机会用文字交流了。她还在用我的折叠剪，那把被她称作"Magic Chinese Scissors"的东西，而明早醒来之后我会见到它静静的躺在我的书桌上。当我再一次睁开眼睛，像往常一样打开电脑的时候，我身边将是一张空荡荡的床和书桌，眼前是相片中Heidi可爱的笑脸。我从不敢奢望会有如此亲密的一个室友，更不敢奢望这样一个亲密的室友竟然是外国人。
记得刚开学的时候，从北京回到香港，我的确是在两种社会的边缘挣扎过，这也许就是为什么我在见到Heidi和其他交换生会产生莫大共鸣的原因。三个月过去后，至今回想起我都会感激Heidi介绍我认识了这样一帮可爱的朋友。我们一起学习、出去玩，他们会和我一起痛骂看不惯的事情，一起分享我的快乐。不知怎的，我的脑海里现在不停地像放电影一样重现这一学期的每一个瞬间，每一个细节：尖沙嘴喷泉表演，重庆大厦sketchy的“溅血”的走廊，石郏尾Heidi最爱的叉烧包，南丫岛10块钱的茶位费（尽管我们什么都没喝），Heidi做的pasta和我的diet-coke-chicken，电影院里第一排座位看《夜宴》，从Mexican Fiesta到“97”，从东方文华酒店精致的ladies night到兰桂芳被搭讪几乎夺门而逃，从宿舍到笔架山峰的“缆车”，坐船出海钓墨鱼，嗌庄时候的“What are you doing here”，在北京和我父母共进晚餐，每一次一起向虫儿嘲笑“sounds hard”的广东话，碰巧说错的“This is Jamie, my boyfriend.”,我熟睡后她制止我们toilet-mate的喧哗，Heidi接男朋友电话后夸张的“W-a-ii”，“Larry goes shopping with Jamie!”和“tips on 'fighting' with Larry”,最辛苦的仰卧起坐的姿势，“thi-kle(thigh-ankle)”的典故和湾仔Skits回来后今天早上做gym……太多太多了，我想我可以不停的不停的一直这样写下去。
刚刚给Heidi拷过去了几张安静的音乐专辑，她坐在我身边等待的时候，我突然看见了台灯上挂着的“舍际游泳4X100m比赛季军”的铜牌，那时我和Heidi不但是室友，还是队友。我问她有没有准备带回家，她说当然了，早就已经装在包里了。回想起来，那已经是将近三个月之前的事了，却依稀就在眼前。Heidi不在的时候我常常睡过，就像上周她去做internship的时候，我在我的Final前一天竟然睡了12个小时；不知道她走了之后我还能不能坚持下去做仰卧起坐，谁还会和我一起说“Typical Enae”……
尽管我相信我们一定还有机会见面，尽管我知道明天还要早起去开Student Ambassador的会，但是我无法停止这些回忆，更无法停止这样的书写。突然开始有了憎恨的感觉，为什么只是因为交换学期结束了，就一定要我失去我最最亲密的室友！憎恨到甚至不愿意睡觉，因为知道一觉醒来的明天，她已经离开，房间将空掉一半，而窗户上将留下她剪的白色的窗花，窗框上将留下她买的银色的tinsel，墙上将留下她用黑色的毛笔在红纸上写的“海迪”，一切都将留下她的影子，唯有她人却不在！I'm left here.这是我的感受。我必须面对，面对这种明明已经习惯了的离别，面对这种早已不新鲜的失去。明天，或者说这帮交换生朋友们都回家的那一天，将是时候我说：“Jamie is here, but others are gone.”不敢想象，在冬季的香港，阴冷与潮湿中，还有什么比这更凄凉！
所幸我还有希望，想到明年夏天我和她的计划，现在的我心里就好像当初Pizza-hut广告中傻傻的小女生：“我要去西班牙！”她走了，我留下，带着憎恨，带着忧伤，带着回忆，带着希望。
Heidi的行李已经装备好，我想是时候跟她再最后一次聊聊天，等待离别的那一刻，等待空荡的那一刻，等待天亮的那一刻……
P.S.现在是凌晨5点一刻，天还没亮，但是Heidi已经走了。一本崭新的《Interculture Communication》被留了下来：“It's for the course that I dropped after the first week. I've already talked to the department, and they'll be able to resell it at a lower price, so that could be around 200HKD something.”我说好没问题，卖完了我把钱给你寄过去。她说：“No, no. Don't try to send it to me. Keep that money and have a nice dinner with Larry.”我说这样不好。“No, no,”她坚持，“Seriously, never try to send it to me. Maybe it can't be a large amount of money, but should be enough for a dinner. Enjoy it for me with Larry.”……我一直告诉自己要坚强，可只是这样简单的几句话，眼泪已经止不住地不争气地流下来了，而且还在流，甚至是现在我记录他们的时候。她抱着我，说：“Poor girl, we are definitely able to see each other again, and that's gonna be really soon.”这是第一次，我在一个外国人的怀里哭起来，好像小孩子，好像眼前的不再是普通的exchange的朋友，不再只是室友，而是姐姐。感激？不舍？很难讲，她只是对我太好，太好了。
刚才只睡了一个小时，差一刻四点，我们一起醒了，我躺在床上，默默地看着她把行李最后一点打包装好，默默看着楼下的保安上来check-out。我帮她把行李拿下楼，送她上车。大门那边是个风口，寒风吹得很冷。我们拥抱，告别，我站在风里，看着红色的丰田远远驶出视野……然后，转身回来，在寒风中，单薄的睡衣没能带给我温暖。开门，终于见到了我最不想见的场景：房间被丑陋的割成了两半，一边杂乱地展示着生活的状态，一边是空旷在扭曲。她走了，带走了这房间的那一半，我追不回来。她走了，留下了这学期的回忆，我丢不掉……
Spanish Town’s Women Putted Front
Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar's Volver is warm, emotional and forever on the brink of tears — peppered with bouts of pique, old resentments that flare up and moments of intense and lyrical longing, like most of other homecomings. It told a story about three generations of women survived the east wind, fire, insanity, superstition and even death by means of goodness, lies and boundless vitality.
They are Raimunda (Pénelope Cruz), who is married to an unemployed labourer and has a teenage daughter (Yohana Cobo); Sole (Lola Dueñas), her sister, who makes a living as a hairdresser; and the mother of both (Carmen Maura), who died in a fire along with her husband. This character appears first to her sister (Chus Lampreave) and then to Sole, although the people with whom she has some unresolved matters are Raimunda and her neighbor in the village, Agustina (Blanca Portillo).
Volver means return. The director Almodóvar has cast himself as the chronicler of the Spanish soul, and in "Volver" he deftly weaves the old Spain with the new. The town, now a klatch of superstitious biddies, is in many ways itself a friendly ghost of the past. As arid and wind-swept as ever, the countryside of La Mancha is dotted with wind turbines instead of Quixotic windmills, though this obvious sign of modernity has done nothing to curb the high incidence of fires and madness in the region Cervantes made famous. Meanwhile, the director has said himself that, for him, returning to La Mancha is like returning to the maternal bosom. Volver is a title that includes several kinds of coming back for him. The director has come back, a bit more, to comedy with people like Carmen Maura and Penélope Cruz who he used to work with. He has come back to the female world, to La Mancha, to maternity, as the origin of life and of fiction, and naturally, has come back to his mother. Nevertheless, there was more than coming back presented in the movie.
It is said that Volver is a good combination of comedy and melodrama, but it is not a defacto surrealistic comedy although it may seem so at times. The living and the dead coexist without any discord, causing situations that are either hilarious or filled with a deep, genuine emotion. It's a film about the culture of death in my native La Mancha. The people there practice it with an admirable naturalness, which could not be a better explanation of natural way of treating death in Spanish culture. The way in which the dead continue to be present in their lives, the richness and humanity of their rites mean that the dead never die. Volver is a tribute to the social rites practiced by the people of those Spanish villages with regard to death and the dead. People talk of the dead, cultivate their memory and tend their graves constantly. Like the character of Agustina in the film, many of them look after their own grave for years, while they are alive. They have the optimistic feeling on deaths, and it can also be observed from Mexican Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos) which was intended in prehispanic Mexico to celebrate children and the dead. It is considered to be the best way for Mexican families to remember their dead, and to appreciate the continuity of life.
On the other hand, with all those bright but loopy humor, Volver is also complex but sanguine, destroying all the arguements about "black" Spain and offers a Spain that is as real as it is the opposite. A Spain shown here is white, spontaneous, funny, intrepid, supportive and fair, and real Spanish town’s women’s life is presented naturally. In Volver, Rainmuda is settled to be throughout the film. Based on the force field that seems to surround Raimunda, some people insist that subtly padded and pushed-up, here eyes lined and ears hoped like Carmen, and since then, she is like a striking symbol of Spanish feminine. Truly, in the movie, no matter Raimunda, or Augstina, or even Abuela Irene-the “dead” can all be treated like representatives of Spanish feminine. However, apart from the resembling make-ups they wore, Raimunda has no more things to do with Carmen. In fact, people may all have assumption that Carmen symbolizes the indomitable and passionate spirit of Spanish women. But if we examine them carefully, it is obvious that Carmen, although from time to time Spanish society generates stories that seem to indicate she is still alive around (typically criminal cases), can never represent other feminine from the country with “erotic turbulence” or sensual, either from Bizet’s opera or from Prosper Mérimée’s novella. Married to an unemployed labourer who was perennially drunk, she had nothing to do but tolerate in silence. Referring to a census conducted in EU in 2003, work was considerably more important to men than women with 43% of men including this in their three most important aspects of life compared with just 35% of women. Also, Spain is notable with 48% among this group with 39% average. Since then, there is no doubt that the confliction exists in Raimunda’s family in the film. Only when the father who wanted to sleep with their adolescent daughter ended up with killed by the teenager daughter in self-defense, Raimunda must save her daughter; that has to be her priority. She was looking for a place to bury her husband and she decides to do it on the banks of the river where they met as children. It seems to be a bit tricky, but the river, like the graphics of any transport, like tunnels or endless passageways, is one of many metaphors for time, and can be looked at as another “return” for the couple.
It is also reported that 82% of citizens felt that the family was the most important aspect of their lives. 86% of women as opposed to 79% of men believed that the family was one of the three most important aspects of their lives. Still, Spain is notable with 89% higher than EU’s average, and as people get older, they also give the family a higher rating. That can explain the story happened in Volver, and the mysteries involved with Irene’s returning back. Volver is a film about family, and the family in it is a family of women. Sole and Raimunda’s is a migrant family which came from a village to a big city in search of prosperity. To this type of family, a phenomenon that people will suffer from integrating themselves into the current society. They will keep their inheritance from home culture anyway. Problems are tending to be provoked especially between generates among a family, and that can be a possibility of the un-finished issue between Raimunda and Irene. There is a long sequence in the script of Volver, almost a monologue, because only Irene, the grandmother's ghost, speaks. In this sequence, Irene explains to her beloved daughter, Raimunda, the reasons for her death and return, over the course of six intense pages and six equally intense shots. Just like what is described in a song by Chavela: "you always go back to the old places where you loved", Irene returned back, and unsolved issues were solved.
Spanish people appreciate having a harmonious neighborhood. In the film Volver, Agustina represents a very important element this female universe: the solidarity of neighboring women. The women in the village spread out problems, they share them. And they manage to make life much more bearable. The opposite also happens (the neighbor who hates the neighbor and stores his hatred from generation to generation until one day the tragedy explodes and even they don't know why). In fact, Volver pays tribute to the supportive neighbor, that unmarried or widowed woman who lives alone and makes the life of the old lady next door her own life.
That is how the characters and relationships in Volver seem to me, a true Spain with a group of real Spanish feminine. Death is not inhibited; people treat it naturally and even show their respect and appreciation. Compliant and headstrong women live together, raising up and resolving problems. They come to us, vulnerable and lost, to ask us for help, but they will keep doing it in their own way. They don't realize, but that is the strange, wonderful path they follow to reach the goodness. And then, what can be told to them? It doesn't matter what happens to them, what they suffer, what strange, terrible things may happen to them, we are not the ones to judge them. People living in totally different backgrounds without their ominous misfortune and happiness could never gain the rights. What is more, they are the ones who could judge us, even though we know they never will, because they are not obsessed with justice but with love. And the best thing they can do is to continue being as they are.
That is how I see the movie, like a tale, but real. There are terrible things in tales: people being chopped up, children who are abandoned in a forest, fierce creatures who devour human flesh... Women are neither flabby nor violent, and even definitely not sensual. The most extreme has a place in them, and yet, alongside that horror, there is always that rare thing we call innocence. It is very hard to define if it is correct, and there is nothing easier to identify when it appears and what it is. That is the part what art exists to pursue, and that is also what those women survive to pursue.
They are Raimunda (Pénelope Cruz), who is married to an unemployed labourer and has a teenage daughter (Yohana Cobo); Sole (Lola Dueñas), her sister, who makes a living as a hairdresser; and the mother of both (Carmen Maura), who died in a fire along with her husband. This character appears first to her sister (Chus Lampreave) and then to Sole, although the people with whom she has some unresolved matters are Raimunda and her neighbor in the village, Agustina (Blanca Portillo).
Volver means return. The director Almodóvar has cast himself as the chronicler of the Spanish soul, and in "Volver" he deftly weaves the old Spain with the new. The town, now a klatch of superstitious biddies, is in many ways itself a friendly ghost of the past. As arid and wind-swept as ever, the countryside of La Mancha is dotted with wind turbines instead of Quixotic windmills, though this obvious sign of modernity has done nothing to curb the high incidence of fires and madness in the region Cervantes made famous. Meanwhile, the director has said himself that, for him, returning to La Mancha is like returning to the maternal bosom. Volver is a title that includes several kinds of coming back for him. The director has come back, a bit more, to comedy with people like Carmen Maura and Penélope Cruz who he used to work with. He has come back to the female world, to La Mancha, to maternity, as the origin of life and of fiction, and naturally, has come back to his mother. Nevertheless, there was more than coming back presented in the movie.
It is said that Volver is a good combination of comedy and melodrama, but it is not a defacto surrealistic comedy although it may seem so at times. The living and the dead coexist without any discord, causing situations that are either hilarious or filled with a deep, genuine emotion. It's a film about the culture of death in my native La Mancha. The people there practice it with an admirable naturalness, which could not be a better explanation of natural way of treating death in Spanish culture. The way in which the dead continue to be present in their lives, the richness and humanity of their rites mean that the dead never die. Volver is a tribute to the social rites practiced by the people of those Spanish villages with regard to death and the dead. People talk of the dead, cultivate their memory and tend their graves constantly. Like the character of Agustina in the film, many of them look after their own grave for years, while they are alive. They have the optimistic feeling on deaths, and it can also be observed from Mexican Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos) which was intended in prehispanic Mexico to celebrate children and the dead. It is considered to be the best way for Mexican families to remember their dead, and to appreciate the continuity of life.
On the other hand, with all those bright but loopy humor, Volver is also complex but sanguine, destroying all the arguements about "black" Spain and offers a Spain that is as real as it is the opposite. A Spain shown here is white, spontaneous, funny, intrepid, supportive and fair, and real Spanish town’s women’s life is presented naturally. In Volver, Rainmuda is settled to be throughout the film. Based on the force field that seems to surround Raimunda, some people insist that subtly padded and pushed-up, here eyes lined and ears hoped like Carmen, and since then, she is like a striking symbol of Spanish feminine. Truly, in the movie, no matter Raimunda, or Augstina, or even Abuela Irene-the “dead” can all be treated like representatives of Spanish feminine. However, apart from the resembling make-ups they wore, Raimunda has no more things to do with Carmen. In fact, people may all have assumption that Carmen symbolizes the indomitable and passionate spirit of Spanish women. But if we examine them carefully, it is obvious that Carmen, although from time to time Spanish society generates stories that seem to indicate she is still alive around (typically criminal cases), can never represent other feminine from the country with “erotic turbulence” or sensual, either from Bizet’s opera or from Prosper Mérimée’s novella. Married to an unemployed labourer who was perennially drunk, she had nothing to do but tolerate in silence. Referring to a census conducted in EU in 2003, work was considerably more important to men than women with 43% of men including this in their three most important aspects of life compared with just 35% of women. Also, Spain is notable with 48% among this group with 39% average. Since then, there is no doubt that the confliction exists in Raimunda’s family in the film. Only when the father who wanted to sleep with their adolescent daughter ended up with killed by the teenager daughter in self-defense, Raimunda must save her daughter; that has to be her priority. She was looking for a place to bury her husband and she decides to do it on the banks of the river where they met as children. It seems to be a bit tricky, but the river, like the graphics of any transport, like tunnels or endless passageways, is one of many metaphors for time, and can be looked at as another “return” for the couple.
It is also reported that 82% of citizens felt that the family was the most important aspect of their lives. 86% of women as opposed to 79% of men believed that the family was one of the three most important aspects of their lives. Still, Spain is notable with 89% higher than EU’s average, and as people get older, they also give the family a higher rating. That can explain the story happened in Volver, and the mysteries involved with Irene’s returning back. Volver is a film about family, and the family in it is a family of women. Sole and Raimunda’s is a migrant family which came from a village to a big city in search of prosperity. To this type of family, a phenomenon that people will suffer from integrating themselves into the current society. They will keep their inheritance from home culture anyway. Problems are tending to be provoked especially between generates among a family, and that can be a possibility of the un-finished issue between Raimunda and Irene. There is a long sequence in the script of Volver, almost a monologue, because only Irene, the grandmother's ghost, speaks. In this sequence, Irene explains to her beloved daughter, Raimunda, the reasons for her death and return, over the course of six intense pages and six equally intense shots. Just like what is described in a song by Chavela: "you always go back to the old places where you loved", Irene returned back, and unsolved issues were solved.
Spanish people appreciate having a harmonious neighborhood. In the film Volver, Agustina represents a very important element this female universe: the solidarity of neighboring women. The women in the village spread out problems, they share them. And they manage to make life much more bearable. The opposite also happens (the neighbor who hates the neighbor and stores his hatred from generation to generation until one day the tragedy explodes and even they don't know why). In fact, Volver pays tribute to the supportive neighbor, that unmarried or widowed woman who lives alone and makes the life of the old lady next door her own life.
That is how the characters and relationships in Volver seem to me, a true Spain with a group of real Spanish feminine. Death is not inhibited; people treat it naturally and even show their respect and appreciation. Compliant and headstrong women live together, raising up and resolving problems. They come to us, vulnerable and lost, to ask us for help, but they will keep doing it in their own way. They don't realize, but that is the strange, wonderful path they follow to reach the goodness. And then, what can be told to them? It doesn't matter what happens to them, what they suffer, what strange, terrible things may happen to them, we are not the ones to judge them. People living in totally different backgrounds without their ominous misfortune and happiness could never gain the rights. What is more, they are the ones who could judge us, even though we know they never will, because they are not obsessed with justice but with love. And the best thing they can do is to continue being as they are.
That is how I see the movie, like a tale, but real. There are terrible things in tales: people being chopped up, children who are abandoned in a forest, fierce creatures who devour human flesh... Women are neither flabby nor violent, and even definitely not sensual. The most extreme has a place in them, and yet, alongside that horror, there is always that rare thing we call innocence. It is very hard to define if it is correct, and there is nothing easier to identify when it appears and what it is. That is the part what art exists to pursue, and that is also what those women survive to pursue.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
好好读书
今天终于考完了天杀的生物和化学，连续的两天，搞得我真是筋疲力尽，不过恶梦还没有结束，周五的数学、下周二的计算机加上下周三要交的Spanish的paper，老天，为什么我的未来一片黑暗……突然觉得复习周其实是一件挺泯灭人性的东西，不论什么日期、什么科目，给所有人都是一样的一个星期，让你有足够的时间做功课，然而真正当你开始复习的时候，就会发现，一个星期，对于某些考试、某些数量的考试是足够了，但如果超过这个平均水平，一个星期？十天、半个月都未必会够！那这一个星期还能干什么呢？只能强迫自己坐在书桌前看明知道根本看不完的书，做明知道根本做不完的练习题，明知道大脑已经停止接受新信息了，却没有胆量出去休息一下。这是什么？说白了，人性的折磨！
不过话说回来，估计就像当初上庄polling的时候一样，考试就像质询会，已经是醉翁之意不在酒了。Con-Day Con到最后，重点早就不是问问题，而是考验所谓的忍耐力、团队精神；嗌庄嗌到最后，没人听你的口号到底是什么，比的是音量和精神头儿；所以考试也一样，考的根本就不是你学到了多少知识，而是你学习的时候能捱得住多少寂寞，顶得住多少诱惑，脑袋在看多少不懂的知识的时候不会爆炸。好吧，如果这么想，我也就能接受了。con-day的魔鬼训练都熬过来了，考试，不过是把已经习惯了13年的东西再升高一个层次，还怕什么呢！
只是，我想拜托老师，麻烦你考一点教过的东西。我知道大学注重自学，那也不能全部自学啊！Organism and Environment，差不多把所有除了分子生物以外的生物都包括了，虽说是概述，禁不住面儿广啊，天上飞的地下跑的水里游的，摸得着的看不见的，吃进去的排出来的，出生的现存的死亡的灭绝的，还有哪样儿不在这范围之内吗？一个学期，13个星期学完？这不是天方夜谭吗？要我说，这老师还不够狠，真要是我当老师，教这样的课程，我真能出份卷子让题题都在syllabus之内，就是让你题题都不会做。于是乎，我几乎是一边考试，一边算我的GPA，看看在什么底线之内我还能顺利完成学业，一边还在想是不是自己选错专业了！
要么说城大就是好呢，周围诱惑大，动力也大。今天上午坐在宿舍被physiology折磨的时候，我眼睁睁的看着对面住在笔架山峰的一个“鬼妹”，在玻璃围栏的阳台上摆了圆桌和一张休闲椅，悠闲地晒着太阳，喝着咖啡，看着杂志。阳台下面就是人工的小园林，和蔚蓝色清澈透明的游泳池，还游泳池边的白得耀眼的阳伞和沙滩椅。而我呢，坐在一张吱扭扭会响的革子面料的旋转椅上，吹着背阴的冷风，喝着白水，拼命写着pass paper。窗户底下就是马路，隔过去就能看见人家的花园。晚上回来考完生物，痛苦之余，开门第一眼见到的是从窗户里透过来的笔架山峰节日的灯光，和水泼荡漾的倒影。那些红红绿绿蓝蓝白白的影儿，总算是把Heidi拿白纸剪的窗花上添了点颜色。我抱着从今天开始作废的讲义走近窗台，呆呆得看了一会儿，忽然觉得被探照灯刺疼了眼睛，只好转过身，重新回到简陋宿舍的真实生活中。窗户的那一边总不是自己的，“等我有钱的！”，这种话说过无数次，终于知道那只是虚幻的自我安慰。生物再变态，总是将那话付诸现实的唯一途径。想想在考场上自己计算过的GPA，现在能做得就只有拼命复习了。
从明天开始，好好读书，新一轮的Final，继续的魔鬼周，为了考试和paper前进！
不过话说回来，估计就像当初上庄polling的时候一样，考试就像质询会，已经是醉翁之意不在酒了。Con-Day Con到最后，重点早就不是问问题，而是考验所谓的忍耐力、团队精神；嗌庄嗌到最后，没人听你的口号到底是什么，比的是音量和精神头儿；所以考试也一样，考的根本就不是你学到了多少知识，而是你学习的时候能捱得住多少寂寞，顶得住多少诱惑，脑袋在看多少不懂的知识的时候不会爆炸。好吧，如果这么想，我也就能接受了。con-day的魔鬼训练都熬过来了，考试，不过是把已经习惯了13年的东西再升高一个层次，还怕什么呢！
只是，我想拜托老师，麻烦你考一点教过的东西。我知道大学注重自学，那也不能全部自学啊！Organism and Environment，差不多把所有除了分子生物以外的生物都包括了，虽说是概述，禁不住面儿广啊，天上飞的地下跑的水里游的，摸得着的看不见的，吃进去的排出来的，出生的现存的死亡的灭绝的，还有哪样儿不在这范围之内吗？一个学期，13个星期学完？这不是天方夜谭吗？要我说，这老师还不够狠，真要是我当老师，教这样的课程，我真能出份卷子让题题都在syllabus之内，就是让你题题都不会做。于是乎，我几乎是一边考试，一边算我的GPA，看看在什么底线之内我还能顺利完成学业，一边还在想是不是自己选错专业了！
要么说城大就是好呢，周围诱惑大，动力也大。今天上午坐在宿舍被physiology折磨的时候，我眼睁睁的看着对面住在笔架山峰的一个“鬼妹”，在玻璃围栏的阳台上摆了圆桌和一张休闲椅，悠闲地晒着太阳，喝着咖啡，看着杂志。阳台下面就是人工的小园林，和蔚蓝色清澈透明的游泳池，还游泳池边的白得耀眼的阳伞和沙滩椅。而我呢，坐在一张吱扭扭会响的革子面料的旋转椅上，吹着背阴的冷风，喝着白水，拼命写着pass paper。窗户底下就是马路，隔过去就能看见人家的花园。晚上回来考完生物，痛苦之余，开门第一眼见到的是从窗户里透过来的笔架山峰节日的灯光，和水泼荡漾的倒影。那些红红绿绿蓝蓝白白的影儿，总算是把Heidi拿白纸剪的窗花上添了点颜色。我抱着从今天开始作废的讲义走近窗台，呆呆得看了一会儿，忽然觉得被探照灯刺疼了眼睛，只好转过身，重新回到简陋宿舍的真实生活中。窗户的那一边总不是自己的，“等我有钱的！”，这种话说过无数次，终于知道那只是虚幻的自我安慰。生物再变态，总是将那话付诸现实的唯一途径。想想在考场上自己计算过的GPA，现在能做得就只有拼命复习了。
从明天开始，好好读书，新一轮的Final，继续的魔鬼周，为了考试和paper前进！
Sunday, December 10, 2006
NOTICE
是我朋友的人，说我什么我不在乎，因为他们是我朋友，他们了解我，我也了解他们，玩笑也好认真也好，总归是有缘由的，说我好，我很感激，说不好，我洗耳恭听。
不是我朋友的人，说我什么我也不在乎，但是，请记住，你不是我朋友，你不了解我，我也不了解你，你说什么我不知道是出于什么目的。所以，请闭上那张无聊的嘴，与其有那功夫妄加非议，不如去正经干点儿别的！！
事出有由，谨在此公告。
不是我朋友的人，说我什么我也不在乎，但是，请记住，你不是我朋友，你不了解我，我也不了解你，你说什么我不知道是出于什么目的。所以，请闭上那张无聊的嘴，与其有那功夫妄加非议，不如去正经干点儿别的！！
事出有由，谨在此公告。
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Lonely Planet
香港迎来了属于她的冬天，温暖而潮湿的冬天。然而出奇的意外，阳光今天格外的关照我们，明媚的照耀着干燥凉爽的空气。本来应该是值得欢呼雀跃的一天，我却也同样出奇的平静。没什么能调动那根激动的神经，只想一个人，背着书包，听着音乐，四处闲逛。这样难得的好天气，让不少人勾起了对家乡的回忆。Heidi, Vivian，student ambassador里的内地同胞们，每个人都在描述自己家里寒冷的风光。我，想回家，此时此刻，却不想回想北京任何一丝令我怀念的片断。我需要的不是回忆，不是怀念，甚至不是感动，我要的是阳光下的安详与宁静，因为知道冬日的阳光最能够带给人温暖。
昨晚去听了港乐星夜交响音乐会，曲目不错，虽说是在红墈码头的露天演出，我们又没赶上好座位，但有月光在头顶，看着远处维港夜景，倒也别有一样风情。乐团上半场的演奏欠佳，下半场却是可圈可点。吕思清带来了一把价值500万的有着300多年历史的名琴演奏《梁祝》，正如主持所言：“名师、名琴、名曲，我们还要再要求什么呢？”1812序曲配上舞台上的礼花，让人仿若置身莫斯科红场，感受钟鼓礼炮齐鸣的壮观。月亮深邃而遥远，夜逼人的寒冷却被音乐的盛势所震慑。坐在红墈码头的草地上，乐曲环绕耳边，竟突然觉得一切都变得好似月光一样遥不可及。周围虽然有一万五千人与我共享，我却仿佛只身一人在一片偌大的空地上，只被声与光所笼罩。然而没有恐惧，因为还有音乐，生理上知道那一万五千人还在，脸上还带着笑。
今天的阳光带来了温暖，却总缺少了那一份归属感。为准备“Thank you week”而去参观工厂仓库，我们UCD work group终于又聚在了一起。吃过饭后却由衷地想有点属于自己一个人的空间和时间。有时候心底涌起的一份沉重和悲伤是无从解释又无可逃避的，我知道这将没有任何一个朋友愿意、或者能够与我分担，因为那是一种完全私人的感觉，那便是归属感的缺乏。我是一个人，每个人也都只是他们自己，大家分别有着自己能够获得安全感的归属，有着自己心灵的家园。 我的家和家人对于现在的我来说是一种熟悉的遥远，香港和香港的人对我来说是一种陌生的遥远，朋友生活中和心中不为我知的一面是一种未知的遥远，甚至连朝夕相处的同屋也将在她离开香港的那一天给我留下丢失的遥远。所以每个人是，也只能是他自己，他的家永远只是他自己的家，而我要的是我的天地，我的家。
站在维港岸边，海风吹起白浪，我不是一个对海洋有着深厚感情的人，然而海浪涌动，涌动着维港的倒影，涌动起了一份无尽的孤寂。人们在海边散步、看书、拍照、嬉闹、聊天、接吻，海一如既往的涌动，一如既往的看着人世苍茫。日落了，日复一日的这样循环，从不参与到七彩世界的任何角落，只是默默的带来了又带走了他的光芒。也许，海会记住她的变化，她也会看到海每天的不同，但他们依旧没有交点，依旧是孤独的。我站在人群中，心灵却无法相通，我站在晚霞下，生命却无法延续，我站在海港边，情感却没有依恋，只有他们的孤寂告诉我，我的孤独有了共鸣。眼神与眼神如果可以沟通，他们会告诉对方，那湿润意味着什么。
走在地铁站，不同的单独的人与我擦肩而过。我们可能搭一辆车，从同一站上车，在同一站下车，但他们只是他们，我只是我。从镜头里看，我们将会成为一群人，人人心里却都明白，在这一群人里面，我们永远只能是孤独的不相交的个体。塞着耳机，听着音乐，靠着地铁车厢的门，我的大脑里安静的只剩下旋律。走路，爬山，没有必要要求自己开心，平静也是心灵的一处栖息地。在没有家的时候，只有自己可以成为自己的避风港。我不害怕，因为知道在这个孤独的世界中我不孤独。人人都有内在孤独的一个角落，是只有自己才能涉足的；更何况，还有成千上万的人还在外在的孤独的世界中煎熬；更何况人类本身在这个宇宙中就是莫大的孤独！
同样的物质，被组织在不同的时刻，不同的环境中，造就了一个个不一样的人。寒风中，我们只能体会自己皮肤承受到的冷，阳光下，只能接受自己所需要的温暖，人群中，只能摸索自己双脚踏上的路。一个人习惯孤独，两个人共渡孤独，一群人中，就只能尝试着判断孤独、寻找孤独，并且学着享受孤独。于是，我依旧听着一个人唱的歌，用着个人电脑，孤独的写下这篇不再让我孤独的文字。
昨晚去听了港乐星夜交响音乐会，曲目不错，虽说是在红墈码头的露天演出，我们又没赶上好座位，但有月光在头顶，看着远处维港夜景，倒也别有一样风情。乐团上半场的演奏欠佳，下半场却是可圈可点。吕思清带来了一把价值500万的有着300多年历史的名琴演奏《梁祝》，正如主持所言：“名师、名琴、名曲，我们还要再要求什么呢？”1812序曲配上舞台上的礼花，让人仿若置身莫斯科红场，感受钟鼓礼炮齐鸣的壮观。月亮深邃而遥远，夜逼人的寒冷却被音乐的盛势所震慑。坐在红墈码头的草地上，乐曲环绕耳边，竟突然觉得一切都变得好似月光一样遥不可及。周围虽然有一万五千人与我共享，我却仿佛只身一人在一片偌大的空地上，只被声与光所笼罩。然而没有恐惧，因为还有音乐，生理上知道那一万五千人还在，脸上还带着笑。
今天的阳光带来了温暖，却总缺少了那一份归属感。为准备“Thank you week”而去参观工厂仓库，我们UCD work group终于又聚在了一起。吃过饭后却由衷地想有点属于自己一个人的空间和时间。有时候心底涌起的一份沉重和悲伤是无从解释又无可逃避的，我知道这将没有任何一个朋友愿意、或者能够与我分担，因为那是一种完全私人的感觉，那便是归属感的缺乏。我是一个人，每个人也都只是他们自己，大家分别有着自己能够获得安全感的归属，有着自己心灵的家园。 我的家和家人对于现在的我来说是一种熟悉的遥远，香港和香港的人对我来说是一种陌生的遥远，朋友生活中和心中不为我知的一面是一种未知的遥远，甚至连朝夕相处的同屋也将在她离开香港的那一天给我留下丢失的遥远。所以每个人是，也只能是他自己，他的家永远只是他自己的家，而我要的是我的天地，我的家。
站在维港岸边，海风吹起白浪，我不是一个对海洋有着深厚感情的人，然而海浪涌动，涌动着维港的倒影，涌动起了一份无尽的孤寂。人们在海边散步、看书、拍照、嬉闹、聊天、接吻，海一如既往的涌动，一如既往的看着人世苍茫。日落了，日复一日的这样循环，从不参与到七彩世界的任何角落，只是默默的带来了又带走了他的光芒。也许，海会记住她的变化，她也会看到海每天的不同，但他们依旧没有交点，依旧是孤独的。我站在人群中，心灵却无法相通，我站在晚霞下，生命却无法延续，我站在海港边，情感却没有依恋，只有他们的孤寂告诉我，我的孤独有了共鸣。眼神与眼神如果可以沟通，他们会告诉对方，那湿润意味着什么。
走在地铁站，不同的单独的人与我擦肩而过。我们可能搭一辆车，从同一站上车，在同一站下车，但他们只是他们，我只是我。从镜头里看，我们将会成为一群人，人人心里却都明白，在这一群人里面，我们永远只能是孤独的不相交的个体。塞着耳机，听着音乐，靠着地铁车厢的门，我的大脑里安静的只剩下旋律。走路，爬山，没有必要要求自己开心，平静也是心灵的一处栖息地。在没有家的时候，只有自己可以成为自己的避风港。我不害怕，因为知道在这个孤独的世界中我不孤独。人人都有内在孤独的一个角落，是只有自己才能涉足的；更何况，还有成千上万的人还在外在的孤独的世界中煎熬；更何况人类本身在这个宇宙中就是莫大的孤独！
同样的物质，被组织在不同的时刻，不同的环境中，造就了一个个不一样的人。寒风中，我们只能体会自己皮肤承受到的冷，阳光下，只能接受自己所需要的温暖，人群中，只能摸索自己双脚踏上的路。一个人习惯孤独，两个人共渡孤独，一群人中，就只能尝试着判断孤独、寻找孤独，并且学着享受孤独。于是，我依旧听着一个人唱的歌，用着个人电脑，孤独的写下这篇不再让我孤独的文字。
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